This song has made it into the set list now and then over the years, but the right situation for recording it had never arisen until I began choosing the songs for Strings and Wood, the mostly acoustic album I'll be releasing soon. A reflection on the complex collection of experiences that make up who we are and the cost of regret paid by our hearts and minds.

Lyrics

DID WHAT I DID

Looking back on my past,
tears used to come to my eyes
‘til I heard a word from the wise
that helped me to realize

that all of those tearful times,
myriad mistakes, and unmentionable crimes
were secretly paving the way
for the place where I am today.

If I never did what I did,
I might never be able to do
what I do like I do,
and I wouldn’t know what I know
if I’d never been through
what I’ve been through.

I’ve sorted out all of my dreams,
secret desires and unscrupulous schemes -
thoughts that I’d dare not reveal
and tried half my life to conceal.

Foolishly played at that game
in half-hearted hope of protecting my name.
Now I cast off the guilt and the shame.
No more holding myself to blame!

If I hadn’t thought what I thought,
I might never be able to think
out these things like I do,
and I wouldn’t be truly me
if I hadn’t been true
to what I knew.

Counting attempts that I’ve made:
magnificent moves that bring only distress,
brushes with fame and success,
and maneuvers that end in a mess . . .
courageously carrying out
yet one more ill-conceived plan -
another illusion so grand
the world couldn’t understand.

If I never did what I did,
I might never be able to do
what I do like I do,
and I wouldn’t know what I know
if I’d never been through
what I’ve been through.

Copyright 1995 Jim Vick